I always tell my kids that sadness is so important. Without it, we wouldn’t know the true value of happiness – kind of like eating ice cream for every meal. At first, it sounds like a dream, but soon you’d get used to it, maybe even sick of it, forgetting how much you used to love it, how special it was and all of a sudden it’s just another food.
Without the bad you can’t have the good.
I really try to embrace it. Navigate the highs and lows of life, not overthinking, accepting the waves as they come. Trying to enjoy the sun when I feel it and trying not to drown when it all crashes down on me.
I try, just as much as the next person, I suppose. But I’ve got to tell you, I get tired.
Tired in my bones, in my spirit. The kind of tired that can’t be fixed by sleep or pills. A heaviness that radiates from my soul, feeling like a lead weight that’s holding me down. The thought of putting on a big smile and showing up to that lunch date I made last week, answering that phone call, or even writing out that text message, it may as well be a 10K marathon.
I’ve been kind of an absent friend lately and I’m sorry. I’m still here, even if you don’t hear from me. I still love you and if you ever needed me, please know that I would fight my funk and be there in a blink.
But right now, I’m recovering. I have retreated to a place that doesn’t need pretending or explanation and I’m hoarding my energy. I’m using every bit of peace, every tool that I have to make my way back to myself.
Please be patient.
It’s not you, it’s me.
Thank you for caring. Thank you for reaching out. Please don’t stop throwing the lifelines. I’ll be back soon, I promise.
May is mental health awareness month. If you are fortunate enough not to experience a mental health illness, please educate yourself so you can be a support for the people in your life that might need your support. Try to remember not to take things personally, give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt and reach out. You just might be saving a life.
Mental illness is real. It is a flaw in your chemistry, not in your character. No shame.
Mommy’s Inside Voice is a biweekly column by Amie Jay, a local mother of three.