Dear Bambi,
Just a note to let you know of our meeting next Thursday at Cadboro Bay Road and Cedar Hill Road (on the golf course) to discuss the problems we are having with humans. Evidently they don’t like us here so we have to discuss how to deal with them.
We were here first and they came along and destroyed our homes in the forest. Wrong.
They try to kill us with their cars and bows and arrows, then harass us with their dogs and put up fences to keep us away from the food they grow. Not nice.
We will be selecting a group of volunteers to figure out how to deal with these problems. In support, the federal, provincial and municipal governments, Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin will be providing us with hay to get through this.
We will, of course, be working with other herds including those from Victoria (who meet at Government House), Esquimalt (meeting place: the police detachment), Sidney (the long runway on the airport) and the western communities (who meet on the Trans-Canada Highway near Costco) to work collectively to take back our land.
The buck stops here.
Five Point
Oak Bay
Editor’s note: This letter was provided to us by Bob Wallace of Oak Bay, who feels a sense of humour is necessary to deal with local issues. We couldn’t agree more.